One mistake we do when the kids fight

I have many tools and insights on SIBLING RIVALRY, but today I want to highlight the ONE MISTAKE so many parents do:

When our children fight, we usually “see” very clearly who is the “attacker” and who’s the “victim”…. So we go into the scene in order “to save”, or help, whoever we think is weaker…. By doing so, instead of empowering that child, we make him even weaker, and the worst of all - we perpetuate him in the role of “the victim”.

When we intervene to “save” a child, he draws the conclusion that he is UNABLE, and that he always needs help in order to get out of difficult situations. We do not teach him anything about his STRENGTHS, and on how to be RESILIENT.

So next time your children fight, and you want to intervene, instead of stepping in, in favor of the “weaker” one, say: “I see you guys are not getting along right now, you are going to play separately for a while”.

When your “weaker” child says: “But he pushed me!” or “She grabbed that from me”!

Give empathy and empower him: “Oh, are you ok?”

and: “So, what are YOU gonna do about it”?

Feel free to give me a call if you need any additional help.